IntoTheMouthOfRavness

O Ezra, hear the prayers of this humble sinner.

Lord, I came close to violating my vow of honesty today. We met a gentleman by the name of Gregoire today — may You accept his soul to heaven. He first conversed with Petru, who learned that Gregoire’s son had been abducted by the gypsies. Petru conveyed this information to the rest of us but, when we spoke with the man, he asked what Petru had told us about him and I unthinkingly answered “not much,” or something of the like. I recovered, but it still feels like I spoke an untruth and this pains me, O Lord.

I am revolted by my inclination to blame my transgression on my companions. They do not hold themselves to the same moral code I have adopted in my attempts to serve You, nor ought they. Often they find it necessary to use deception to attain their goals. It is bad enough that I profit from the use of that deception; the best I feel I can do in such situations is keep quiet and pray that You grant me the wisdom to do Your bidding. I know that condoning dishonest acts is but a step from performing the act myself… I will pray for guidance and hope You see fit to show me the way.

As troubling as my own transgressions are the actions and words of my companions, particularly the fragile soul Samael. Several nights ago, in Mordent, we all had a conversation about our plans for the future, in which Petru described his homeland and his quest to same it from oppression. The things Samael said that night disturbed me deeply: that in order to save the people they must be subjugated and cowed into following a new master. He said that the way to give them a life worth living was to become a sovereign leader and force them into the situation you think best for them, using fearmongering and force of arms where needed. I tried to explain to him that using tyranny to defeat tyranny doesn’t work, but failed. In this matter I pray, also, for your guidance. I know Samael can be brought to the light, but his mind is not yet fully formed and it is important for him to be guided to the right path.

And Petru. There is a darkness in Petru’s heart, one that may never be healed. He has suffered much, and lost much, but he has taken the first step himself: he reached out to Simeon and accepted faith into his heart, in the form of a devotion to The Morninglord. I sense his faith is yet tenuous; even were I inclined to actively seek to increase membership in my Lord’s followers I might hesitate to try to convert Petru lest he fall from both faiths into shadow. He does have the potential for good in him, and I hope that Simeon and I will be able to realize that potential.

In the name of Our Guardian in the Mists, protect us as we walk the pathways of this world and guide us to those of the next. Forgive our sins and grant us the wisdom to forgive ourselves.

Amen.